Things To Consider As You Plan Your Ceremony

ROMANTIC IMAGERY AND SYMBOLISM

The most common types of romantic expressions are  readings and incorporating  rituals in a ceremony.  You can include the lighting of a Unity Candle, a Sand Ceremony, special music, giving flowers to mothers and the release of butterflies or doves during the ceremony, etc. There are a lot of creative ideas that you can borrow from others, or even 
think up yourself, but the rule is:  Be Yourself!

INVOLVING FAMILY/ LOVED ONES: Family involvement can be a simple and familiar as a father escorting a Brideto the altar or a brother being the Best Man.  Couples may also choose to have their children front and center during the ceremony.  You can have a friend share a reading during the ceremony.   There are many ways to incorporate loved ones into a ceremony, if desired.    

DO YOU WANT A SPIRITUAL OR RELIGIOUS CEREMONY?  The choices range from a very traditional "church-style" wedding to no religious references at all.  Some couples want to incorporate religion into their ceremony and so they may choose to include the Lord's Prayer, readings from sacred texts, etc.  Couples who desire a spiritual wedding may choose to include  simple words of blessing into the ceremony, with a reference to the Spirit.  My recommendation is to include what is meaningful to you.  I am comfortable with the choices a couple makes. 

INCORPORATING RITUALS & TRADITIONS IN A CEREMONY:  The exchange of rings is the most common and familiar symbolic tradition used in wedding ceremonies.  The lighting of a Unity Candle, the Presentation of roses to the mothers, a release of butterflies and the Sand Ceremony are additional options and ideas that can be added to a wedding ceremony. 

CEREMONIES CAN HAVE MANY COMPONENTS. COUPLES CAN CHOOSE TO INCORPORATE WHAT WORKS FOR THEM. CEREMONIES CAN INCLUDE:

    -Seating of the Grandparents and/ or Mothers

    -Presentation/ Giving Away of the Bride

    -Blessing by Family and Friends

    -Special Music, offered during the ceremony

    -Poem or Reading shared by a loved one shared by a loved one

    -Words of Promise Shared with Children

    -Words of Blessing Written by a Loved One

    -A Celtic Handfasting

    -Jumping the Broom

    - Communion

    -Presenting Children with Special Jewelry

    -Presenting Roses to Family Members

    -The Lighting of a Unity Candle

    -A Sand Ceremony

    -The Wine Ceremony

    -Breaking/ Stepping on a Wine Glass

    -Release of Butterflies or Doves

INCORPORATING 'YOU' INTO YOUR CEREMONY:  Beyond the words shared during your ceremony, it may help to reflect on the following questions. Often I ask these questions when I meet with a couple.  I can even weave some of what you share into your ceremony.  You may also ask me to prepare a personal story to share about you, during the course of your ceremony.  

-How did you first meet?

-Where was your first date?

-When did you first fall in love?

-How did you know your fiancée was 'the one'?

-How did you propose or accept the proposal?

-What do you love about your partner?

-What qualities do you most admire in her or him?

-What actions of your partner’s says “I love you” to you?

Choosing Readers:  Asking friends or family to read is simple way to include special people in your wedding.  Consider asking someone to read who you know is comfortable with reading and/ or speaking in public.  Some couples even ask the reader(s) to assist in choosing what they will read.  Having the reader(s) attend the rehearsal is also helpful. 

Sharing Words of Gratitude:  Often couples, in their wedding program, share words of thank you and love to their families and loved ones.  Consider adding this idea to your ceremony.  An Officiant can mention special people during the opening words of the ceremony. What about the person who may have introduced you?  You could have something said about how grateful you are to this person or people.

Flower Girls and Ring Bearers:  Including children in your wedding party iswonderful.  Be aware that the age of these children does influence their experience of your wedding celebration.  A child who is too young to know what is going on is easily overwhelmed.  One way to handle this reality is to have an older child or adult lead or carry them.  It is extremely helpful if this older child or adult is very familiar with the young child.  Accept that children may simply not be able to participate in all aspects of your wedding celebration.

Remembering Loved Ones During A Ceremony:  There are many reasons couples may want to remember a loved one(s) who has passed away.  Including the special person or people can be as simple as having an Officiant mention their names during open words.  Some couples place flowers near the ceremony site in honor of their loved ones, and mention this in their programs.  Some light a Memorial Candle at the beginning of a ceremony to honor loved ones.  Others, release butterflies, as symbols of the love present from those who have died.

Music and Ceremonies:  Your choice of music is a great way to express your feelings and relate to your guests.   Most often, couples choose musical selections for three parts of the ceremony: the seating of guests, the Processional and the Recessional.  You can use the traditional wedding music or you can use current day music.  There are no rules; it's all up to you!  Talk with your DJ or musician.  

Serving Alcohol to Guests before the Ceremony:  Often the Bridal party will enjoy champagne, beer or wine before the ceremony. This is not a distraction to the ceremony at all if common sense is used.  Serving alcohol to guests before the ceremony is the concern.  Once guests start drinking they frequently don’t want to stop right away.  Guests bring it with them to the ceremony site and it can take away from the actual ceremony.  The ceremony is a celebration of a couple’s commitment to one another, not a cocktail hour. 

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS RELATED TO CEREMONIES                                                          

Do we need wedding programs?  Programs are not necessary; however, they are something that many couples use to express words of gratitude, and to even inform their guests of who members of the Bridal party are.  Some programs or bulletins also serve as a wedding favor.  If you are interested in having programs, I can provide you with the 'right' words to list the components of your ceremony.  I can also lend you some actual bulletins for you to review.  I do not provide wedding bulletins.

How do we create a ceremony with you?  Once a couple decides to work with me, I will share with them a wedding ceremony planner.  Included in this planner are options for all sorts of elements and components for ceremony.   This 15+ page document is a beginning, a reference point for our planning process.  In addition, we collaborate through routine phone and email contact.  I also prefer to meet a couple at least once face to face to get to know one another and to explore their hopes and ideas are for their ceremony. 

How do we choose our vows? Can we write our own?  The decision is completely up to you.  If you are someone who is intimidated by speaking in front of others, I would think that writing and sharing your vows in public would intimidate you.  If you are someone who is confident about speaking in front of others and want to speak from your heart, writing your own vows may be just the right thing for you to do.

What do you wear for the ceremony?  I often wear a celebrant's robe, which is similar to an academic robe.  My robe is black and I wear a simple white stole over it.  Neither the robe nor the stole have any religious symbols upon them.  I can also wear a suit or suitable professional clothing.  I do not dress in costume for theme weddings.

Is a wedding rehearsal necessary?  It truly depends upon your plans.  Having a rehearsal may be very helpful if you have a large wedding party.  Rehearsals can provide the bridal party with direction related to their role during the ceremony.  Rehearsals can be chaotic if they are not organized.  Rehearsals are also another opportunity for family 'drama' to occur.  A rehearsal could also prevent any drama on the day of your wedding.  In all honesty, a couple needs to reflect on what they need for their ceremony to go smoothly.  

Many couples feel it is not necessary for an Officiant to attend the rehearsal if they are working with an experienced Event/ Wedding Planner.  Is there someone provided by your reception site?   An Event Planner/ Staff from the reception site can run a rehearsal and provide support to you and to your bridal party. 

I charge $100 to attend and participate in rehearsals.  I need to know at the time of booking if you are interested in my presence at your rehearsal.  My participation in your rehearsal MUST BE confirmed at least 4 weeks prior to the date.  If you do not confirm my participation, I may already have another commitment.